i wanted so badly to post on friday evening, but quite frankly, my bitterness and feelings were not so great. so in reality i spared you then. here's why... skip down to the next big break if you want to skip negative nancy...
we have chinese class at the university for 3 hours on thursdays and fridays. let's call a spade a spade and say that i am terrible horrific at chinese. and although i generally excel in academics, i don't generally put out much effort. so when i am not good at something i let it get the best of me and get frustrated easily and i certainly am not the type of person to put out much effort to get better- although i wish i was and i think that this maybe, just maybe will break that terrible habit. instead, i just glare at the words and wish they would disappear.
so chinese class moves very quickly and by the time i have some clue what we are talking about we have moved on to some other completely different topic. i was so frustrated with this and my already i'm-having-such-a-hard-time-and-i-don't-understand-why-i'm-here attitude pushed me to write the word time machine across the top of my page. in english.
i wished i had a time machine and that i could rewind time and never be here. time machine was the intended title for friday evenings blog. it finally dawned on me, that i had not once been excited about coming and that i was going because other people told me it was a good idea. i thought i would walk out of class and look up the next flight home. i wanted nothing to do with china- especially chinese class.
well let's gloss over saturday... where my one opportunity/excitement for 'darcy alone time/ cool off time' was "taken" by one of the other students. if that wasn't the last straw for me to catch a cab to the airport, it didn't help that i thoroughly ripped a new one on skype to my boyfriend-- (sorry, again) and that's when it was made blatantly obvious that i had no clue what i wanted to get out of this besides a 'cool travel story' and something to put on a resume. i had no expectations- except that i would be home soon.
.
.
now it's sunday. and i woke up today and decided today would be different. and let me tell you about this exciting miracle. really, it's a miracle!
today in church the sermon was on gifts of the spirit- i've heard this a time or two. but at the end of service during worship the preacher came back up and said i have 2 things i know God wants me to share. one was about someone with a hurt hip and to pray for healing- an older man came up and was prayed for. and then "there is someone in here who is pretty new to china, and they are questioning why they came here at all and this person feels far from God" of course he's not directly looking at me, but he looks my direction and holds my attention a few times, "and they are even ready to go home- but this person needs to know they are here for a divinely planned purpose and God is with you every step of the way and he is holding you in the very palm of his hand."
alright God- i see you.
i get it.
you are here.
with a giant megaphone and flashing neon sign.
you are here for the long haul and you will never stop loving me!
if that wasn't enough, we had a fabulous lunch with two new friends from church that are also students. AND guess what- they can speak enough chinese to order basic food- i didn't say anything about my "silly-ass" food allergy. i could eat everything. with the exception of our specially prepared hospital meals, that has yet to happen.
AND i was motivated enough to finish my homework and even get a little ahead!
AND i came across this gem of a verse to sum up the day:
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discourage, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."- Joshua 1.9
prayer request:
absolute thanksgiving to God for the neon sign today and that my neon sign shines bright the rest of my time here and beyond!
sending chinese love,
罗达茜
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